| Part 2/3 of story of self dawns the darkness of a day afore... So? We survived the dark. When I originally emerged from the darkness, I did it with a lot of very open conversation and self-help reading. This is one of Gandhi’s quotes that helped me so much, “Inner peace is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony”. That was so hard for me at that time, my thoughts were so self-hating that my spoken words and actions were that of a hater. So, I did it backwards. I limited negative actions and my words followed, and the thoughts... they came a little bit slower. The hate mostly turned into acceptance and love. Mostly. Now, climbing the ladder rungs back up to present day. Here I am, in front of you, with the question that's been fucking me up since late December, “am I a hypocrite?” Today, I’m this Lav who talks lots about peace, Love, unity, respect. If I speak so much about enlightenment even though I still find myself in the occasional black hole, am I being sincere? I think if I’m discussing heights I’ve not yet reached, that I’ll become insincere only if I’ve given up on attempting to reach them. I’m not being untrue if I speak of Truth with the intention of finding it. Although, I am being untrue by speaking only of that which is outside of me, when addressing that which I’m healing within. My ability to heal has been elevated by three techniques [you'll read them in story of self pt. 3/3] which came to me as answers to my prayers very recently, in the form of awareness which was heightened when I realized that, “I’m not the pain, not the ‘loser’ or the ‘failure’. I’m not the negative automatic thought which trumpets the cavalry of hurts to trample and pillage a promising day. I am the observer.” The Serpent slithers up The Staff to the here and now. I decide when to act, when to react, and how. Unity. There is a unifying feeling in sharing food with someone. An apple, a loaf of bread. One of you splits it halfway, the other one of you chooses a half, You bite down together. It’s beautiful, that feeling! It’s like sharing your story. By doing so with SoulTribe I became aware that by only sharing the current brightness, I was only giving half of what I had (and wanted) to give and then I was throwing away the other half. Here I am, dreaming every day about helping to build a community of like-hearted people where sharing is credit and The Community is the currency and I’m throwing away half of my worth! Wow. Awareness. . . . Part 3/3 coming. |